Kim’s Story: Telling friends to shove their pity
Our member Kim continues her sober journey, and has no need for anybody’s pity.
“Pity you so much”
Just been to yet another birthday party lunch. Over the meal for 20 odd people, a mate told me loudly across the table:
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I pity you so much.”
She continued to tell me how sorry she feels for me:
“You’re missing out on all the fun now you’re not drinking.” (She’d previously been in the loo throwing up after too many shots! Also, may I add, I was having a wicked time and now felt awkward!)
So here’s my story. Everyone drinks for different reasons. I didn’t self-medicate, nor like drinking alone or when unhappy. I was a social drinker. However, my social life was nearly every night, either out in bars, or at home with mates. I always intended to stop at a couple, but after a couple normal me disappeared and fuckwit took over.
Woke up with a hangover
On the 2nd December, I woke up with a raging hangover, having bashed the company credit card yet again, feeling bloated and sick. I couldn’t actually remember the last night I hadn’t got pissed. I took the day off work and decided that I would stop drinking that day. I read everything I could, did it on my own for 2 weeks (with difficulty I will add) then joined a few sober support sites.
If I had wanted to moderate I would have joined moderation websites. As I said, I “leave the room” after two drinks, so moderation is not for me and was never an option.
It’s my journey. I’ve set my goals. I haven’t waited for things to happen, I’ve made them happen. My own steps. Some have failed (trying to make amends with exes, holidays too early on, meditation/cult, herbal tea) and some of them have worked spectacularly (emailing mates to give me feedback on my shite pissed behaviour, disco baths, Becks Blue, sober support sites, reading loads). They are my steps on my journey.
I’ve discovered amazing support, and I hope I have been able to give some back.
I have made new mates – for life I think. But my three closest friends – my two kids and EX-OH – are still my best friends. Now I’m present more (when I say present, I mean it literally, as in not out trolling round bars with randoms, riding topless on rikshaws – but at home) so I get more quality time with them. I was also a good granny, and now I’m an ace disco granny.
It hasn’t been easy. It’s been a challenge, but change can sometimes be challenging. I get that.
I’m still the same. I laugh, I dance, I find humour in the most random situations and still talk to strangers. I get lost five minutes from my house, fall over too much and talk shite.
I am frustrated sometimes (no weight loss) and elated (big weight loss). I have been angry to have found myself in this situation, and proud to be dealing with it. I have set myself a goal to be AF [alcohol-free] and I am succeeding. I know there is still a lot of work to do, and I will keep on working at this. Hard.
I stopped counting after 100 days. Again, my decision on my journey. All I know is that I woke up sober today and will go to bed sober tonight. I will do the same again tomorrow. That’s good enough for me. I am sober today because I am strong, determined, tenacious and committed. Does that warrant pity? I think not.