The Next Round: What happens after you change your drinking?
The Next Round: What happens after you change your drinking?
Seana spent most of her adult life in a love-hate tango with alcohol. But in writing her story, she unearthed the reasons she drank
Welcome to The Next Round – where the things you do after booze can often lead to feelings you never expected and can help the adult you in ways you could never imagined.
This week’s guest, Seana Smith, set out to document her first year alcohol-free, but in the process, she delved into her childhood- finding answers to questions she never even knew she had.
Seana spent much of her adult life in a push-pull battle with alcohol. On the surface, she was a high-functioning drinker—never the one causing scenes or spiraling visibly out of control. But behind closed doors, she was stuck in a vicious cycle of stopping, starting, berating herself, and repeating the pattern all over again.
“I was driving myself absolutely mad – internally. My friends wouldn’t have thought I had a big drink problem, but in my own mind, I was trapped.”
Her drinking wasn’t just about the present—it was rooted in a painful past. Seana grew up in a home overshadowed by addiction and domestic violence. Her father was an alcoholic, and his drinking shaped the way she saw herself, the world, and alcohol itself.
“I had a great big push-pull because I didn’t want to be like that. But on the other hand, I did want to be like that.”
The echoes of her father’s drinking didn’t just haunt her childhood—they followed her into adulthood. As she tried to make sense of her own drinking, she realized she was wrestling with something far bigger than just a bad habit.
“I think I was berating myself because I didn’t want to behave like Dad had and cause trouble like he had. But it was all caught up in my mind, and I just didn’t believe I could ever actually stop permanently.”
The turning point came when she lost her mother—a moment that unraveled a lifetime of emotions and unresolved pain. Her father’s drinking had defined so much of her childhood, but her mother’s silent endurance had shaped her just as much.
“I waited until they both died to start writing my story. Growing up, we weren’t allowed to talk about what was going on. I didn’t feel free to put it down on paper until Mum had passed away.”
Seana’s journey toward healing began when she started writing. At first, she simply wanted to document her first year alcohol-free. But the deeper she went, the more she realized she was uncovering something far more profound.
“When you write something like that, especially about the end of drinking, it gives you great agency over your story. I feel like I gave myself a beginning, a middle, and an end. My dad’s effect on me – his drinking and its impact – stopped when I stopped drinking.”
The process wasn’t easy. Writing about past trauma meant reliving it. She had to revisit childhood moments she had buried, unpack painful memories, and confront hard truths about herself. But in doing so, she found a powerful sense of closure.
“There were things I learned from my mother’s diaries that I never knew. She never left my father, but I started to understand why. Some of what she endured put her life in danger. That realisation was healing for me – it was her life, and she made her choices.”
By putting her story onto paper, Seana didn’t just process her past—she rewrote her future. The act of writing gave her clarity, strength, and a sense of control over a narrative that had once felt predetermined.
“As a child, you cannot save your mother. You can’t even save yourself. But now, I see that my dad’s drinking story ended when mine did. That’s a powerful thing.”
Now, nearly five years sober, Seana is not only free from alcohol but also from the guilt, shame, and patterns that kept her tethered to the past. Through writing, she found the closure she never thought possible.
“I think I’m safe in saying I’ve finally got everything off my chest.”
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